Throughout my life it has been apparent that whatever I do, I am consumed or compelled to finish it. For example, when I play video games, I beat the entire game before even starting another. When I read a book, all I do until finish reading it is, well reading it. I mean seriously, all I do; wake up and read, eat food and read, stay up late while reading until i hit the point where my eyes go blurry from all that constant reading. In 1 week I read the entire Harry Potter series; all 7 books in 7 days.
Quite recently I learned that my addictions are in check when I have something to channel it into. Usually that is video games, but recently that hasn't been an option. Recently, I have been consumed by programming, computers, calculators, code for robots. It went to the point where I try to fall asleep at 10 and can't fall asleep till I completed the entire program, including bugs; after I obsess over what can make it better, remove some pointless scripts.
Then I think about what the result is if I get into drugs and serious alcoholic tendencies. I absolutely refuse to take my allergy medication and cold flu remedies fearing that eventually I won’t be able to deal with life normally without them.
I assume that I am thinking irrationally because i can control this, even though blogging is now just another form of my addiction seeping through my system by any means necessary. I even remember I once dated this girl who really wasn't that special, or different, just another stereotypical girl who just stole social identities. As you can tell from my typing that I find that horrible, crude and just plain unappealing.
I now think of blogging more of a therapy for myself rather than what people think about me and might just make private pages where I can rage and complain all I want without disturbing people and in case I do something stupid, cannot be used against me in court.
Quite recently I learned that my addictions are in check when I have something to channel it into. Usually that is video games, but recently that hasn't been an option. Recently, I have been consumed by programming, computers, calculators, code for robots. It went to the point where I try to fall asleep at 10 and can't fall asleep till I completed the entire program, including bugs; after I obsess over what can make it better, remove some pointless scripts.
Then I think about what the result is if I get into drugs and serious alcoholic tendencies. I absolutely refuse to take my allergy medication and cold flu remedies fearing that eventually I won’t be able to deal with life normally without them.
I assume that I am thinking irrationally because i can control this, even though blogging is now just another form of my addiction seeping through my system by any means necessary. I even remember I once dated this girl who really wasn't that special, or different, just another stereotypical girl who just stole social identities. As you can tell from my typing that I find that horrible, crude and just plain unappealing.
I now think of blogging more of a therapy for myself rather than what people think about me and might just make private pages where I can rage and complain all I want without disturbing people and in case I do something stupid, cannot be used against me in court.
